March 4, 2013
There are stories that we tell ourselves that we believe, there are stories that others tell us that we believe. The only story that matters is your story on your life that only you can write...this is my "story in the moment".
We are putting our house for the last seven years up for sale. The reasons for the move make sense for us and we are ready...me as I found out, not so much. I was caught completely by suprise when we went to our first choice in Charleston SC to look for a landing spot when my fears came leaping out of my chest and causing frenetic zaps of reality. "Is this the end house",that one really caught me by suprise! Dimished capacity for activities, my mind whispered....you don't have a 30 year plan it cooed (LOL, never did have any kinda plan to speak of). So here I am standing in the light, staring at it like a deer. Time passes and we age but don't know it other than the annual birthday cake and assorted body aging awarnesses . A life event (hospitalzations and passing of friends, family members) awakens us and has us confront our own mortality, but at a safe distance.This was a clear demarcation of the next era or new season of life, one less to go.
I sat in this place and embraced it and tried to listen to what it was telling me. I did gain some clarity around the fears of the new season as a milestone and was still off center.
Then we went to Savannah GA to actually walk into some houses. Once again out of the blue, a deep down feeling showed me it's face. As I walked into the house for sale I was enthralled, no, I was freakin out of my head full of excitement at a new life that my wife and I could build here. Like newlweds out of the apartment into their first house excited. Anticipation of the future was bright and loving and filled with endless possibilities...like water flowing over Niagra Falls. The previous trip and exploration into my fears set me up to experience this moment. I didn't care about that stuff anymore, I was living in the here and now and what's possible. MMMMM
Now to the place that we chose to make our next home Davidson NC. A small college town with a buzz and vibe that we are drawn to and feel like this is were I am supposed to be. It's like my entire life has been lived to reach this point and the new season.
The experience that started this blog was a simple task in staging the house...turn all the lights on. I started flipping switches and wondering what they turned on and off....some of the switches had not been turned on in 7 years! In my state of awareness I began to think of my life like this house. What switches inside myself have not been used? What gifts have I let go dormant? I keep using only the lights that I need or have grown accustom to fulfill my purpose. What would it be like to use this light to illuminate my rooms instead of the lamp on the table? I am still chewing on it in the hopes for clarity and giving myself permission to move forward in a different way. Certainly the new house and people and space will call on me in different ways but what if I fight to bring the old small ways with me.
Something to ponder to say the least.
Go forth courageously...and turn your lights on!